To Habeeb or Not to Habeeb...

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Although no one has asked, to Habeeb or not to Habeeb, that is the question.

It appears that collectively the Sunnis and Shiites are doing a much better job weeding out dissidents and troublemakers than the coalition forces. Today (and it's still early) they have already killed about 200 of their fellow ragheads and burned down four mosques. At that rate they will exterminate themselves in approximately 300 years. A long time, for sure, but worth waiting for. The only question is whether they will run out of mosques before they run out of worshippers.

I must apologize for the last blog. Besides being very brief, I was also in a hurry to make my tee-time and didn't have time to proof read my posting. I mistakenly referred to the raccoon eyes of "Susan" Pelosi when it should have been the raccoon eyes of "Nancy" Pelosi. My mistake. Susan is the lesbian twin sister of Nancy and goes by the nickname "Rosie." Yes indeed, there is a Rosie Pelosi who lives in the Tenderloin District of San Fransicko. Check the phone book.

By the way, of the thousands of BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL readers throughout the free world, only one of you caught the error. That is significant insofar as most of my readers took advantage of the free commemorative doctorate degree which I offered through La Fontaine College last month. Recent polls show that the JOURNAL has a higher percentage of readers holding doctorate degrees than its nearest competitor, the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Although it might appear that more of you should have caught the error, the fact that most of you requested your free doctorate in Animal Husbandry, not Journalism, could hold the clue as to why so many of you missed it. Could it be that the majority of you were contemplating sexual congress with critters? If that is the case, please write the Doctor and include the name of the specie that best exemplifies the sexual mores that you share. I promise that your name will not be shared outside of this blog.

To all of you from all of me, remember that the Doctor cares. Now get on with your shopping.

Cordially yours, the Doctor

Pelosi, a Taxidermist's Nightmare

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: La Fontaine College of Taxidermy revokes diploma of Dr. Victor Allthumbs, the taxidermist from San Fransicko who transformed Speaker of the House, Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi, into a female impersonator of dummy puppet, Charlie McCarthy.

Although Dr. Allthumbs denies being under the influence of psycho-narcotics while undertaking the transformation of his patient into a bug-eyed polyglot liberal, he does admit making her eyes appear sunken because the "raccoon look" was de rigueur in the Castro district of San Fransicko.

Dr. BILLINGSGATE apologizes for signing off in the middle of an excellent article. However, he has a tee-time that has a higher priority. I will finish this at a later date.

Wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving,

Your Doctor