Presidentectomy Performed On Obama

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL: Dateline Denver

BULLETIN: In an elective surgical procedure performed without anesthesia, Hillary Clinton did a presidentectomy on Barack Obama last night. With Michelle Obama and millions of viewers watching, the former First Lady deftly excised the malignant Democratic Presidential candidate from the race. Under the magnifying lights of the operating room, her cherubic grin masking her ambitious plan to run for the presidency in 2012, she wielded a chirpy scalpel that cut out everything positive about Obama so that her own achievements could be better seen. With the network cameras alternately panning on the squirming Michelle Obama and Bubba Clinton, the emotional contrast was evident: Michelle was smiling on the outside and crying on the inside as she realized Barack had been emasculated. Bubba had the same smile on his face that he had when he spotted Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.

Barack Obama Owns Nairobi Villa

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL: Dateline Nairobi, Kenya

BREAKING NEWS: The JOURNAL's crack investigative reporter, Detrick "DT" Detwiler, has uncovered information that links Democratic presidential nominee, Barack Obama, to ownership of a palatial villa in the Gold Coast region of Kenya. Earlier this week, the Italian edition of Vanity Fair reported that it had found George Hussein Onyango Obama living in this villa on the outskirts of Nairobi.

Mr. Obama, 26, the youngest of the presidential candidate's half-brothers, spoke for the first time about his life, which was far removed from that of the Democratic contender. "No-one knows who I am," he told the magazine. "I am stuck in this fancy joint, and my brother expects me to maintain it on less than a dollar a month." According to Vanity Fair, his villa overlooking a rancid, feces swollen creek, is two meters by three meters in size. To provide contrast to his own beautiful view, George has a calendar showing exotic beaches of the world. Vanity also noted that he had a front page newspaper picture of his famous brother overlooking the fireplace in his den, right next to the stuffed head of Hillary.

Smelling a rat in the details, the JOURNAL sent its own crack reporter, "DT" Detwiler, to check out this story. "DT" found that just weeks before the villa was purchased, a British-Iraqi billionaire lent millions of dollars to Barack Obama's fundraiser and bagman, Antoin "Tony" Rezco. The money transfer raises the question of whether funds from Nadhmi Auchi, one of Britain's wealthiest men, helped Mr. Obama purchase this Nairobi villa. Mr. Rezco, who was convicted on unrelated corruption charges in Chicago on March 3, refused to answer questions regarding this purchase. This has raised even more questions about whether Mr. Rezco made it possible for the Obamas to purchase this 2x3 meter mansion that they could otherwise not afford.

George Obama, who Barack describes as a "beautiful boy with a rounded head", stated that he is so embarrassed with being connected to his famous brother that he does not mention him in conversation. Still unable to accept the fact that he must maintain his glamorous lifestyle on less than a dollar a month, he excused himself and went back to his den.

Barack Obama insists that he never expected his half-brother to survive on this pittance, and was quite surprised that he was found alive.

NOTE: In the search for truth, where others lose their bearings, the JOURNAL will always follow the trail until the wheels fall off. Truth, in the abstract, is just a word. That alone justifies this post.