Chipmunk Cheeks is Baaaack!

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: John Edwards, with his cute little cheeks stuffed with North Carolina chestnuts, has stepped into the Presidential primary, this time as a candidate for the top job. It appears that Dr. BILLINGSGATE, once again, has to join the fray, calling upon his primordial instincts to place the oncoming election on a level playing field. At the present, the good doctor is putting together the finest rodent control team extant. As in the last election, Carl Spackler will more than likely be called upon to head the team of rodent exterminators who performed so well in 2004.

This Democrat primary, with both Hillary and Edwards stuffing their puffy cheeks with chestnuts, Carl will have to work twice as hard until a choice is made for their party. By the way, Carl has been in Sumatra training for this mission. For the past two months he has been working out with a Sumatran Rat Monkey (Simian Raticus) in the Northern provinces of this Indonesian island. This specie is biologically the offspring of small indigenous tree monkeys who made the tragic error of copulating with giant plague rats who passed themselves off as monkeys just to get a little strange stuff. The resulting progeny is as ugly as Hillary. Although to some it appears to have the endearing, vacant wide eyes of Al Gore, it is nearly as hairless as James Carville. Because it resembles a rat far more than a monkey, it might be the missing link between Hillary and Senator Osama Obama.

Anyway, when Carl comes back from this arduous training mission in the jungles of Sumatra, his real work begins. Keep posted to see if the varmint control exercises he underwent are instrumental in extinguishing the DemoRat contender.