POTPOURRI

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: I suspect that you knew this was coming. A guest on Neil Cavuto's FOX NEWS actually blamed the ice and snow storms hitting the Northeast on global warming.....and she was serious. What else could I add to that?

NFL HEADLINE: San Diego Charger President Dean Spanos announced the firing of Head Coach Marty Schottenheimer. Spanos and Bolt General Manager A.J. Smith agreed to blame Marty for losing the New England playoff game. It has been reported that Smith and Shottenheimer have not spoken to each other since last year after Smith released QB Drew Brees because he injured his shoulder during the last game of the season. From my perspective, it shows that both Spanos and Anna Nicole Smith found that playing with the old man's money, while relying on a couple of big boobs to do their thinking, doesn't automatically insure success in the world.

NEXT: Since today is Valentine's Day, I think that I will celebrate this special date by doing something romantic for a change; like dipping my big toe in melted chocolate and see what develops.

HISTORIC UPDATE: Two years ago, Dr. Ollie and Dr. Buddy, the first chimpanzee plastic surgeon team recognized by the American Board of Plastic Surgeons, successfully completed a radical facelift on Mr. St. James Davis without the use of anesthesia. Mr. Davis, along with his wife, were innocently celebrating the 39th birthday of Moe, who was interning with the other chimps in the compound. Mr. and Mrs. Davis were attacked (operated on) by Drs. Ollie and Buddy. St. James lost his nose, lips, one eye and all of his fingers (they were bitten off because the scalpel wasn't sharp enough). Although this operation was performed under less than surgery room conditions, St. James is now fully recovered.

POSTSCRIPT: Although Dr. Ollie and Dr. Buddy were shot to death by a guard who didn't understand the historic importance of the operation, the former Mrs. Davis is now married to Moe the Chimp. Moe was determined by authorities to have had nothing to do with the facelift of St. James, although he did smack his lips from time to time.