Muslim Cabbies Refuse Dog Fares

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Minneapolis)

DOGITIN: The citizens of Minneapolis are fed up with Islamic Somalian cabbies who refuse to allow passengers carrying alcohol or blind folks with dogs in their cabs. It seems that over 80 percent of the Twin City cabbies are Somalian refuges, some who say that the Qur'an prohibits them from accepting passengers with alcohol. Also, because they consider dogs impure, they are concerned that one of these panting caregivers who has just finished licking his genital region might throw saliva on him, thus making him unfit for the 72 virgins who are waiting for him in the great cab in the sky.

I think the alcohol thing is stretching the Qur'an a bit. On one hand though, I do have some sympathy with their issue on dogs. Like Rodney Dangerfield, I have a wife who won't drink from a cup which my lips have touched, yet she will let Fido slobber all over her face after he has spent the previous 10 minutes snarfing for cooties or whatever. One can only imagine the logic of that. But on the other hand, most of these Somalians came from a region where a man could play tonsil hockey with a dyspeptic camel and not raise an eyebrow. It's a hard one to judge. Why don't you make the call?

I do know one thing for a fact. You will never see a Somalian cab driver in Korea. Imagine one of these ragheads trying to make a living where nearly everyone he talks to has doggy breath? I certainly would never suggest to the citizens of Minneapolis that they emulate the Koreans. But I guarantee you that those Somalians would seek new job positions or move to a dog free zone if they did. If you don't believe me, take a ride to Little Korea in Los Angeles. There are two things you can count on that you won't see; dogs or Somalian cab drivers.

For better or for worse, the offices of the BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL will never close while issues of this importance cloud the concerns of my ever devoted devotees. Take care of your puppies and they will take care of you.