Just The Usual Suspects

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Baghdad)

BULLETIN: Let me be the first to point out that if nothing else, Nancy Pelosi's riveting set of raccoon eyes has diverted attention from the fact that she has ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts. Although I haven't been asked by Don Trump to supply him material for his verbal war with Rosie O'Donnell, I think that he has fallen far short in his efforts to depict her for what she really is; a loosely tethered, loudmouth Goodyear blimp. With all this talk about global warming, can you imagine how much warmer it would be if she weren't here to block out the sun? She doesn't have a chin. She has an overflow system. When your third set of jowls overlap your cleavage. you know that you have a weight problem.

Please stop me when you think that I have gone too far. But how much more can a man take? Like most of you, I always try to step on an attacking rat before I get RF'ed. But now that the liberals have taken over, does anyone besides me feel like we have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peeling? The light at the end of the tunnel is the caboose going in another direction. With most of our media being made up of pimply faced, pencil-necked geeks, who by and large, squat to pee whether male or female, it seems that the only way we will ever win the war on terror is by praying for a camel stampede.

The only way that I can get out of this mood is by glancing at my "What would Muttley do" bracelet. No matter how many times he is thwarted, he never gives up in his quest to shoot down Yankee Doodle Pidgeon. Thank God for his inspiration. Yeh,yeh, yeh, yeh!