Blinky Pelosi Takes Over Washington

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Washington, DC)

BULLETIN: The mob moves back into Washington. Blinky Pelosi, who looked like she went to the mattress one too many times, replaced Dennis Hastert as Speaker of the House. Sitting behind George Bush and to the left of Dick Cheney the other night, it was apparently too much for her to coordinate her jack-in-box movements and her cud chewing with the incessant blinkings of her raccoon peepers. With the clock on her, she averaged 25-30 blinks per minute. With Cheney blinking at 3-5 times a minute, the race for eyelid diplomacy was over before it started.

Blinky can trace her funky head movements back to Mafioso gangsta, Vito "Chicken Head" Gurino; her eyes to"Cockeyed Phil" Lombardo and "Jimmy the Weasel" Fratianno. She claims she inherited her ability to go up and down from mobsters, Tony "The Ant" Spilotro and "The Odd Father," Vincent Giganto. What is it about those gangstas and their nicknames? They sure can pick out great monikers for each other. I can't believe someone hasn't made a movie about the Mafioso. They could win an Oscar with that kind of material to work with.

It was gratifying to hear that Blinky and Jack "The Iron Dove" Murtha are going over to Iraq to check out the war. Can't imagine how the troops will welcome them. I really hope that they make it back on time to talk to another idiot with a catchy name, "Wolf" Blitzer of CNN. Makes you want to jump in bed with a mongoose, doesn't it?