McMuttleys Opens in Seoul, Korea

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL ( Dateline Seoul, Korea)

BULLETIN: Dog lovers of another type are celebrating in the capital city of South Korea. With the opening of its flagship franchise, the McMuttley Corporation hopes to recreate the same success that Ray Kroc had when he first introduced McDonalds here in the USA. Using the same business formula that made McDonalds the world leader in the fast-foods industry, McMuttleys has incorporated the "Golden Leash" as their trademark. With their Big Mutt Burger and side order of Kim Chee, they feel that they can put fido on the menu at a price that most Koreans can afford.

While this might offend the sensibilities of narrow minded dog owners who love and care for their pets as if they were children, the average Korean looks at a dog as a walking sandwich. Quite frankly, they would just as soon have the rest of the world gag at the thought of eating a Big Mutt Burger, since that enhances their image as a democratic bottom feeder republic. As far as they are concerned, just because your mutt would do anything to please you, perhaps even save your life, that does not mean that you should bond to them anymore than you would bond to a sheep or a heifer that provided you relief at one time or another. Illustrative of this phenomena is the use of the infamous "Montana pole." For those not familiar with Big Sky folklore, history has it that these poles were made from broken or discarded pitchforks from which some ingenious sheepherder attached a mirror on the end to see if the sheep was smiling. By the way, the reason that I am able to discuss these permutations of human nature so dispassionately is because I am The Doctor, and I have devoted many years to these studies.

By now, I believe that even the most dense of BILLINGSGATE devotees have gotten the point that we shouldn't look down our noses at the Koreans just because they feel differently about their pets. I bet you cannot wait until you see a Golden Leash in your neighborhood.