BILLINGSGATE IS PISSED!

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Senator Teddy Kennedy, infamous for uttering these exculpatory words regarding Mary Jo Kopechne, "It's hard to believe that she couldn't hold her breath until I came back the next morning" is now trying to drown two other women in Senate proceedings. I don't know about you. But enough is enough! If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. It's time for America to wake up and kick some liberal ass.

BULLETIN: Since no one seems to be able to capture the ellusive bin Laden, BILLINGSGATE recommends that General Field Marshall Cinque Mtume of the Symbionese Liberation Army receive his 5th star and be made Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and personally spearhead the hunt for this notorious raghead. General Mtume is famous for capturing Patricia Hearst and outwitting the FBI for over a year while escorting the debutant across America in a yellow VW van. The crafty bastard fooled them all by putting a "VOTE FOR RICHARD NIXON" sticker on his bumper. What chutzpah! What subterfuge! The man is a military genious. Move over General Myers. You have had your chance.

BULLETIN: BILLINGSGATE has once more been decorated by the President and has received the most prestigious military decoration of them all, the coveted Major Amos B. Hoople Award. By proposing that the obnoxious 3 and 4 year old rapscallions who were kicked out of pre-school be armed and sent to Iraq as part of a Children's Crusade to crush the infidels, Dr. BILLINGSGATE has again eclipsed a field of bumbling idiots with this preemptive battle plan.

Hmmmm. What are those guys with nets doing in my office. I believe that I'm under attack! 911....911... Where the Hell is my posse?