WMD Found Near Marine Base

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Across the street from MCRD (Marine Corp Recruit Depot) and down the street from an elementary school and Catholic church, stands the Adult Toy Super Store. Ironically, it was here, not Iraq, where WMD (Weapons of Male Dysfunction) were first uncovered by the Marines.

Early Sunday morning in a pre-dawn raid, young Marines, not even out of basic training, confronted the combined joint forces of NOW (National Organization for Women) and the tattooed veterans from San Francisco, Dykes on Bikes. The young recruits, armed only with natural testesterone and righteous indignation, attempted to disarm the insurgents who were shouldering nuclear tipped, baseball bat sized vibrators which were newly purchased from the Toy Store.

This symbolic skirmish, pitting the forces of male domination vs female dominatrixes, mirrored the Armageddon scenario in the 1964 movie, Dr. Strangelove. As in the movie where mad generals work tirelessly to build a better bomb that would destroy humanity, their counterparts, the Adult Toy goombahs feverishly ramp up the VPM's (vibrations per minute) on these Machiavellian permutations. Countering the potentially apocalyptic nature of this mission, valiant Marine defenders, backed by the makers of Viagra and Cialis, vacuum pumps and run of the mill aphrodisiacs, stand tall for what is right in this war against NOW and the evil empire.

Who knows how this battle will spell out. Will Kofi Anna and the peckerless United Nations intervene and set some VPM limitations? Or will we see a maniacal Patricia Ireland coming out of the bomb bay of a B52 astride a nuclear tipped vibrator, kicking up her boots and screaming like a Banshee ragpicker riding a bucking bronco?

Make no mistake. This is a war that could result in gendercide if not abated. Not since woman suffrage has our nation faced such a no win situation.

Please make your responses to this Journal pithy. Dr. BILLINGSGATE prefers not to dither with idle minds.