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BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Exclusive Report: In Japan techno freaks are dancing in the streets with news that scientists working to harness the atom inadvertently discovered a break through that enables a camera to be built with a shutter speed so incredibly fast that it may actually catch a woman with her mouth shut, something not captured since the painting of the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci in 1503.

Although historians continue to argue that the pinched mouth smile of Mona Lisa was painted while she was lying in state, others argue that she was passing gas at the critical moment that da Vinci immortalized the historic event. In either case, no one before or since has been able to capture in a picture the exact moment that a living woman had her mouth shut.

Now that new technology allows cameras to catch this critical moment, look for feminists to challenge this discovery and petition the Courts to rule that the manufacture of these cameras violate their rights to privacy.

To catch up with this technology, geneticists are also trying to isolate the specific gene that allows women to talk without breathing, thus allowing their mouths to go full speed with out shutting. Scientists at the Liverlips Laboratory at the University of California are also questioning if lips are absolutely necessary, speculating that if they could eliminate them, women would never be able to shut their mouths......More to follow