Gobblers 2, Hunters 0

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Wenatchee)

BULLETIN: Two elderly men from Wenatchee, Washington who had gone turkey hunting together died while trying to apprehend a fugitive Meleagris Gallopavo (wild turkey).

Elmer Sapp 78 and Alfred Hurd 70, described by leftist turkey huggers as being "vigilantes" were hunting these wily birds when Hurd got out of a pickup truck and chased the suspect gobbler down an embankment. Sapp followed and found his hunting partner lying on the ground. According to Sheriff Mike Harum, Sapp went back to the pickup and flagged down a motorist and then collapsed.

Although it was thought that both men died of apparent heart attacks, autopsies were to be performed on both men to see if fowl play was involved. No pun intended.

As you know, Dr. BILLINGSGATE is not responsible for the editorial content of each and every JOURNAL entry. Even though it is impossible to match the integrity of such august fishwraps as the New York Times, it is quite easy to distort and shape the news much like they do.

So before you go to bed tonight, give your gobbler a big hug.