Ask Dr. BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

How is the Pope Mobile raffle going? I certainly hope that this ingenious scheme made enough money to give Pope John Paul II (who I greatly admire) a proper funeral and send off.

Another related question: Don't you think it is hypocritical for the Church to allow the "uncleansed" to buy these raffle tickets? No matter how hard you scrub 'em, they are still infidels.....George W. Bush

Dear Mr. President,

The raffle is doing very well in most parishes in the free world. We were able to tap into the spontaneous sentimentalism that usually sets in when world leaders pass on.

Initially we had problems overcoming the rumor that John Paul was going to take the Pope Mobile with him and trade it for a Harley when he made it to heaven. By the way, if you would like me to raffle off Air Force One so that you could balance the budget, give me a call.

As far as allowing the "uncleansed" to buy tickets, it was just another business decision that had nothing to do with religion. Unpayed bills and deficits have no conscience. Infact, they are just like infidels. No matter how hard you scrub 'em, they just won't go away.

Respectfully yours,

The Doctor