Wide Spread Doping Feared !

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: In yesterday's edition of the JOURNAL it was mentioned that the august members of the editorial board were reviewing transcripts of conversations between Dr. Cleotus "Clete" Earlbeck and randomly selected Giant Tortoises to determine if doping might have been a factor in last Friday's migratory befuddlement.

At issue is whether the constitutional right of the tortoise to choose the high road verses the low road in predicting the outcome of the coming American election was compromised by the ingestation of mind altering substances.

Even though the casual reader might ascribe little importance to this matter, the feeling on this small but historic archipelagic enclave isn't all that different. The diminutive, but highly instinctive pygmy dwarfs who live here have little interest in the outcome of the American election. However, the use of drugs by tortoises who share their nation's roads does concern them as does the proliferation of ACLU scumbags who advise the tortoises of their rights.

BILLINGSGATE and the editorial board call upon John Kerry, Terry McAuliffe and the DNC to pull back the armada of ambulance chasers who have infested the islands in their attempt to confuse, dope and obfuscate the results of this unique election prediction process that occurs here every four years. Appeals to CBS and the New York Times to join the JOURNAL in this request have been short circuited by their corporate attorneys.

BULLETIN: Native Americans are praying for John Kerry...more later