Chipmunk runs but can't hide from Hannibal

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: Last night in a pre-lim fight between the junior light weight contender from North Carolina and the veteran champion, Hannibal Lector Cheney, few punches were landed as Edwards scampered around the ring like a demented chipmunk, reminding veteran fight reporters of the epic 1980 battle between the persistent Carl Spackler and the recalitrant ground hog in the movie, Caddyshack.

With moves honed and polished by centuries of genetically adopted survival techniques, the rodent-like Edwards twisted and turned, flip flopping off the ropes while trying to dodge hay makers thrown by the relentless Cheney. With hardly a hair out of place on his exquisitely coiffured noggin, the churlish chipmunk flagged his nose at the veteran in the early rounds of the debate.

With both champion and contender still standing at fight's end, BILLINGSGATE'S crack investigative fight reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler declared the fight a mis-match, giving Hannibal Lector Cheney the victory by default. "While hardly a satisfactory victory for neo-con fanatics, it was better than a draw," countered the less than effusive Detwiler.

BILLINGSGATE is understandably proud of the ring side coverage provided by the JOURNAL. Going head to head with monolithic media giants, CBS and the New York Times, is not a battle to be joined by the meek. Again, using proof to substantiate veracity in journalism is a goal not worthy of serious concern by the JOURNAL and the aforementioned media repositories.