Kerry proposes children's crusade

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: In the final debate tonight, Kerry will finally unveil his "plan" to combat terrorism. In yesterday's JOURNAL it was disclosed that Kerry will propose a "nuisance" tax on terrorists. By putting a surcharge on attacks that go beyond agreed upon casualty limits, Kerry hopes to keep future attacks within an acceptable nuisance coefficient, at the same time providing a source of income to reduce the deficit if terrorists go beyond UN defined guidelines.

The pedigreed, slack-jawed, chicken-lipped jackal, who by the way, served in Vietnam, is also planning to propose a tariff on nations who harbor and/or sponsor terrorism. In tonight's debate, which is to be devoted to domestic issues, he will claim that this tariff will help to reduce the deficit so that no domestic programs will have to be eliminated.

Also, BILLINGSGATE'S crack investigative reporter, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, has information that Kerry will propose his TOT (Tots Oppose Terrorism) CRUSADE in the debate tonight. Saying that, "its never too soon to get involved," he will ask America's parents to donate all of their able bodied children between the ages of 3 to 6 for a march against the godless terrorist infidels in Iraq.

In the original Children's Crusade in 1212, children as young as 6 gathered in European cities to march on Jerusalem to take this holy place back from the same infidels. Noting that children are much more mature now, he wisely chose younger kids because they are more malleable.

As to those who deride Kerry for stating over and over again that he has a "plan" but has never exposed it to the light of day, shame on you. BILLINGSGATE has once again gone beyond the boundaries of ethics and common sense to provide you with unadulterated, unvarifiable and unprovable news that journalism giants, CBS and the New York Times, offer every day.