Letters to BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: Many readers complained because the "LETTERS" column didn't appear yesterday. BILLINGSGATE usually publishes this reader's favorite on Wednesday. The editorial staff apologizes for allowing the Children's Crusade column to supercede this opportunity for readers to post their comments. This is what you missed:

"Can you tell me how many stars General Field Marshall Cinque Mtume had on his lapels and why he was appointed to lead the Symbionese Liberation Front instead of me?"......General Wesley Clark

RESPONSE: General, he had one more star than you, possibly because lapels were wider back in the 70's. If Clinton had been president then, I am sure you would have been on the short list.

"Why did you add 'pedigreed' in describing my husband, John Kerry? You usually describe him as a 'slack-jawed, chicken lipped jackal'. I kind of liked the original description because it was closer to my opinion".....Teresa Heinz Kerry

RESPONSE: My sincere apology for the unfortunate glitch. Your first husband had a pedigree. Your present husband had a pedicure.

"I liked Senator Kerry's idea of having a Children's Crusade. I hope if he is elected that he will appoint me to head this group"....Michael Jackson

RESPONSE: Michael....Micheal...Michael. You gotta grow up!

"Why do you criticize John Kerry for wanting to put a nuisance tax on terrorism? In the long run it might be cheaper than paying the trial lawyers who are going to sue my ass"....bin Laden

RESPONSE: bin baby, No one ever said you were stupid. We will have our attorney talk to your attorney.