Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyukle Head Kerry

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: BILLINGSGATE usually doesn't need to go back to another era for comparisons. But when you have a fool like Kerry running around it's difficult to find anyone currently alive to rank him with. In retrospect, perhaps the Three Stooges merit an apology from the JOURNAL for the unfortunate analogy posted this past Monday. You got it, fellows.

Veteran reporters remember the appellation that pundits hung on California Governor Jerry Brown for his ionicspheric ramblings. If Govenor Moonbeam described Brown, what might capsulize the image of Senator Kerry? How about the Orange Oracle? If any JOURNAL readers can come up with something better, please send in your recommendations. The winning entry will receive a free one year subscription to the JOURNAL. Second place will win a two year subscription.

BULLETIN: From the Galapagos Islands comes news that the Giant Tortoises who inhabit the islands have tired of their trek. With the desperate Democrat hacks offering them drugs and easy sex to influence them to take the low road, the dignified reptiles of the order (Testudinata) issued a proclamation to notify all parties that this is the last election in which they will participate. Way to go, liberal assholes. You have ruined another noble tradition.

With CBS and the New York Times becoming even less ethical and more scurrilous in their efforts to help John Kerry defeat President Bush in next week's election, BILLINGSGATE and the JOURNAL hereby admit that our efforts to provide a counter balance to their journalistic jingoism have fallen short. Their hatred of President Bush has driven them to a depth that even Dante's Inferno can't describe. NO MAS! NO MAS!