Kerry demands 'bubble' to protect head from flies

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL:

BULLETIN: In a last minute face saving development, the handlers of John Kerry demanded that Kerry's head be put into a hermetically sealed bubble so that flies won't mistake it for an over ripe pumpkin during the debate tonight. Citing the Nixon Doctrine as precedent, Democratic advisors to Kerry pointed out that facial issues probably caused Nixon to lose the election to John Kennedy in the first debate ever shown on TV.

To preclude further fermentation during the debate, Kerry advisors are demanding that the bubble not only be hermetically sealed, they are also asking that the temperature within the bubble be lowered to minus 20 degrees Fahrenheit so that Kerry does not sweat so profusely.

Smelling a rat (genera Rattus) Bush advisors countered with a proposal that would lower the temperature to minus 120 degrees, hoping to freeze dry Kerry's brain before he could flip-flop his position on Iraq once more. Research has shown that Ted Williams has not changed his views on any position since his brain was frozen at that temperature a few years ago.

BILLINGSGATE being the first to break this story believes that it's crack investigator, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, should be congratulated for unearthing this substantive news bulletin. As is it's policy, the JOURNAL will stand behind this story with no caveats other than advising readers that providing journalism unabridged, uncensored and most importantly, without proof, is a thankless mission.