Kerry overcomes brain freeze and flip flops again

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL

BULLETIN: John Kerry proved once again that the laws of nature don't apply to him and now has the GOP grasping for new ideas to keep him from flip flopping on Iraq. Having overcome brain numbing temperatures of minus 120 degrees that even the Splendid Splinter, Ted Williams, couldn't bounce back from, Kerry didn't miss a beat as he once again confounded the world by successfully debating himself into submission last night.

Pretending that President Bush wasn't even there, Kerry convinced the liberal media pundits that he was at the top of his game by lying to himself and then coming back with eye rolling statistics to prove that he didn't know what he said in the first place. Using the same slack jawed jackal, chicken lipped rhetoric that made him the idol of commie pinkos back in the early 1970's, Kerry was at his best dancing around questions concerning North Korea and Iran.

While almost canonizing Kim Jong II, President of North Korea, Kerry said that he would go directly to this maniacal dictator to discuss the nuclear disarming of this wacko, even though we are presently working with China, Japan, Russia and South Korea on this issue. No wonder Kim Jong said he wouldn't enter into further negotiation with us or these nations until after the election so that he could once again befuddle the guileless liberal wimps who allowed him to build his nuclear weapons during the Clinton years. Evidently Kim is one of the world leaders whom Kerry said he had in his back pocket.

Confused as to why anyone would believe the shtick that Kerry spews from those chicken lips, the Giant Tortoises have once again taken to the high roads of the Galapagos Islands under the watchful eye of our beloved founder and benefactor, Dr. Cleotus "Clete" Earlbeck. The tortoises, who have successfully predicted the outcome of the past sixteen presidential elections by taking the high road if the GOP is to win, and conversely, taking the low road in years that the Democrats persist, were shuffling around in circles during the debate, reacting to each Kerry flip flop with stoic insouciance.

Although most readers already know that BILLINGSGATE has no horse in this race, the JOURNAL wants to again assure you that we are adhering to the same values that CBS and the New York Times cling to. We will continue to offer you fast breaking news with little or no regard to whether its veracity will stand the rigors of proof.

Go in peace and God bless.