No "Upset" Update

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Despite the heroic efforts of the indefatigable Dr. BILLINGSGATE and dedicated JOURNAL devotee, Johnny A, who by the way, was one of only three devotees to break the code on both the Hamm's Beer Bear and the McGovern mutt, there is no update on Upset, the mismonikered Irish Setter.

It just might be that by misnaming this despicable cur back in 1972, the arrogant McGovern not only sealed his own defeat, he gave Richard Nixon's dog, Checkers, the undisputed title of Top Dog in the Whitehouse until Nixon was forced out of the Presidency because of the Watergate scandal. It is disputable as to which dog got the short end of the bone. You tell me (if you were a dog) would you rather have a name like Upset or be run out of the Whitehouse on a rail with the boss?

To go back to the efforts to update Upset's possible name change, the Doctor hisself emailed David Yepsen, the writer for the DesMoines Register who broke the story of how the hapless McGovern was given the Irish Setter to replace his running mate Thomas Eagleton, after it was learned that Eagleton had received shock therapy for depression. Remindful of what happened to Randle Patrick McMurphy while he was receiving the same therapy under the care of Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest, you might ask the same question posed in the book, "If he's crazy, what does that make you?" Anyway, columnist Yepsen was nice enough to return my email, but said that he had no knowledge of a name change. I respectfully pointed out that he was blowing a chance for a gimmee Pulitzer Prize by declining to go the extra step on this story.

BULLETIN! BULLETIN! BULLETIN! Sorry to interrupt the story, but Drudge just headlined the fast breaking news that Hillary Clinton announced that she just completed her second menopause and that she will balance the budget if elected President. When asked how she would accomplish this, she stated that she would stop the bleeding by putting a bounty on all Americans who are drawing Social Security benefits, offering the bounty hunters $10,000 bucks a head and a place in her cabinet.

Back to the story: Not to be outdone and grappling for a lifetime subscription to the JOURNAL, Johnny A emailed the library of McGovern's alma mater to see if they could help in the effort to determine if Upset had been renamed. So far, there has been no response from the librarian.

Thanks for the patience in reading this posting. If you are drawing Social Security, please turn yourself in so that Hillary doesn't have to waste precious resources tracking you down.

The Doctor has spoken.