Kim Jung Declares War on Dr. B

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

EARLY BULLETIN: The little piss-ant dictator from North Korea has finally found his natural enemy, and he is determined to get me. How else can you explain the four dead rats that I found at the base of a palm tree this past Saturday while playing golf in Coronado? For the informed intelligencia, the significance of this overt act of intimidation needs no explanation. The last time a rat was allowed on the Coronado Golf Course was when President Clinton played (cheated) his way around these links while he was Supreme Commander and didn't need to follow any stinkin USGA rules. That historic round of mulligans and 10 foot gimme putts produced the first sub 80 score of his cheating life.

To put the four rats into a perspective that even a non-golfer might understand, Kim Jung Il declared war on Dr. BILLINGSGATE this past Saturday. At this very moment, I would have to presume a nookyouleer tipped No Dong missile has my name on it. Put another way, I doubt that Kim Jung saw even one dead rat when he shot the lowest round ever; the unbelievable score of 34 that even Tiger can't touch. Hell, that's 25 strokes better than anyone has ever scored anywhere.

Even Slick Willie had to draw the line. That's why he sent Madeleine Halfbright over to North Korea. He knew that he didn't have the balls to confront Kim Jung on nuclear proliferation, much less golf. In hindsight, I bet he wishes he had sent Janet Reno instead. The way she took out those Branch Dravidians in Waco was awesome. She was better than Patton on his best day. Tanks, mortars, howitzers. She even used flame throwers on those poor bastards. She would have made Kim's asshole pucker, no doubt.

Guaranteed he wouldn't be lobbing missiles over Japan and doing underground tests if Big Janet had kicked his ass. Also, there would be no dead rats on my golf course. You talk about a black cat jinxing you. Can you even imagine what it means to be cursed by not one, not two, not three; but four f.....g dead rats! Incomprehensible. All that because Clinton sent the wrong wool to North Korea.

Anyway, I believe that the days of Dr. BILLINGSGATE enjoying a relaxing round of golf are toast. Even so, I'm not backing off. Kim Jung Il, I hope that your sex slaves laugh at your little pecker......Behind your back, of course.