BILLINGSGATE REJECTS ISLAM !

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Trust me. In my rejection of Islam, it wasn't the thought of losing the opportunity to frolic around with 72 virgins that I most lament. With so much vested in my decision to renounce the religion of Mohammed, it's with profound regret that I must turn in the camel that was issued to me. Although becoming attached to one's camel has some precedent in Muslim history, it is virtually unheard of that in two short weeks a relationship between a man and his camel could become so intimate. As you know, camels are quite aloof and usually not easily drawn into a bond that to most people thwarts the natural law.

To the unwashed, who are incapable of understanding such a relationship, I can only offer my sympathy. Old "One Hump," possibly the finest example of Camelius dromedarius to ever belch and fart in my backswing, has been relegated to ferrying common ragheads once again. He will be missed by me and my foursome.

FACTOID: As veteran readers know, Dr. BILLINGSGATE doesn't make existentially spiritual decisions without good reason. Therefore, for those demented enough to care, I will offer the following explanation:

In a speech that Pope Benedict XVI made in Regensburg, Germany, earlier this week, he said that "violence, embodied in the Muslim idea of jihad, or holy war, is contrary to reason and God's plan, while the West was so beholden to reason that Islam could not understand it."

He began his speech to the students and faculty at Regensburg University by quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologus, in a conversation with a "learned Persian."

"Show me just what Muhammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached," the pope quoted the emperor.

It is understandable that some readers, including both the subhuman jihadists that plot against me, and those of you handcuffed by the restraints of secular shallowness, might not fully fathom BILLINGSGATE'S transition from dromedary to pope. My response is that until you have walked the fairways of life with a camel, you will never be able to comprehend the reasoning of either the Pope or the Good Doctor.