Hezbollah Calls For Standardized Jewish Slurs

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Beirut)

BULLETIN: Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrullah, met today with United Nations Secretary General, Kofi Annan, demanding that the UN convene an emergency meeting immediately to standardize language condemning Israel for attacking Lebanon. Stating that it is readily apparent that slurs used to describe the Israeli occupiers varied so much that it was confusing readers and made it very difficult for a layman to understand who the real enemy of Hizbullah was.

In a move to counter this move, Israel Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, suggested that because both Hezbollah and Hizbullah were responsible for kidnapping soldiers and shooting pocket rockets into Israel, it was impossible for them to focus on the real enemy, leaving them no choice but to blow up everything under their hastily improvised rules of engagement.

In an unusual display of unity among Raghead leaders, Arab League Secretary General Amr Moussa, proposed that Israel be referred to as "Al Halsuada" or "the evil dogs." Hezbollah fighters, however, preferred the Lebanese translation which referred to the Jews as "big-nosed curs." Hizbullah, hoping to out-trump their spelling variated brethren, called for the Jews to be called, "sons of bitches."

Members of the Syrian Jihadic Congress, however, combined many slurs by using the standardized Arabic "kosher licking, scum-sucking, son of a dog's dirty deed," to describe their Mideast neighbors.

Across the border from Israel, representatives of the Palestinian Hamas were unable to participate in the dialogue because they were unable to leave the country and couldn't phone their selection in because they hadn't paid their phone bill.

"Clearly there is a necessity to clarify and standardize language denigrating Jews," Kofi Annan said. While everyone has their own particular favorite, I think that the results of this summit will be helpful in making Islamic hatred more understandable for future summits. In a final statement issued by Sheik Hassan Nasrullah it was directed that the standardized version should read:

"For all future United Nation's sessions, Israelis, Jews and Zionists will now be referred to as 'egg sucking Jew bastards.' ''