Al-Jareeza: BILLINGSGATE Conversion Coup for Islam

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: A story that was first reported by Al-Jareeza has now been confirmed by Reuters: The internationally respected, conservative pundit known to millions of readers as Dr. BILLINGSGATE, has converted to Islam. Considered a coup for a beleaguered religion that was in need of an infusion of respectability, the addition of this intellectual giant could change the universal perception of Muslims as being antediluvian ragheads with a penchant for camels. The acception of Islam by the over educated Doctor, who admits to at least eleven Doctorates in fields as diverse as Animal Husbandry and Taxidermy, should not startle anyone familiar with the writings that appear in the BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL.

BILLINGSGATE, who when asked to identify the person who best exemplifies the spirit of the 20th century, picked Curly, the affable idiot of Three Stooges fame. Dr. B, in his writings, has often repeated the mantra made famous by his hero; "I'm trying to think, but nothing happens."

It is expected that the rulers of most Middle Eastern countries, especially the blood thirsty Jihadists, wacko imans and counter revolutionary mujahidin left over from the Russian invasion of Afghanistan, will quickly embrace Dr. BILLINGSGATE as part of their attempt to convince the Western world that smoke is more revealing than fire.

As a lifetime Christian, it is lamentable that the good doctor has chosen to cast his lot with those who laugh at death because 72 virgins await to give them individual toe massages in the great hereafter. But as I grow older the thought of jumping in the rack with a bevy of quail willing to grant me the pleasures I deserve becomes more plausible. One billion Muslims cannot all be wrong.