My Take on July 4th

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Carnival workers fight mandatory shower rule: While the average American male worker takes a daily shower or bath to refresh himself and also rid himself of pesty parasites, dangling dingle berries and pungent odors that might effect his love life deleteriously, carnival workers are furious that such indignities might be forced on them by the owners of the traveling carnivals that seem to pop up in every small town in America each summer.

Now that Memorial Day showers have been made mandatory as part of a union agreement that was hammered out this Spring, the mere suggestion that workers might have to take another shower before Labor Day has these roughnecks excogitating ways to beat the system and retain their hard earned status as "America's most foul labor force."

Carnival worker's union chief, Sammy "Civet Cat" Costa, said that traditionally, carnival workers have always been allowed to bathe or not bathe at their own discretion. Many carnival workers, including Ferris Wheel operator, Vernon "Vertical Spin" Tortacelli, aren't convinced that the chicks would dig them if they weren't odiforous. Certainly there is scholarship that ranks armpit odor as one of Nature's finest aphrodisiacs, especially if sniffed by banal "Sex in the City" type sophisticates.

Under the old rules, Tortacelli pointed out; "We used to be allowed to bathe in the common tank. I guess it became a problem because this was the same water earmarked for the snow cone machine. I suppose that mandatory mid-summer showers might be okay as long as we don't have to use soap."

Happy 4th of July!