BILLINGSGATE VICTIM OF MUSLIM PROFILING

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: One day after Dr. B converted to Islam he was accused of cheating while playing golf with his "Christian" golf partners. As you know, all practicing Muslims must kneel down five times a day facing Mecca and pray. By extraordinary coincidence, each of the five times I knelt down my ball was either in the rough or under a tree branch that impeded my swing. By the time I had renewed myself spiritually, miraculously my ball position had changed for the better, allowing me to have a decent go at the ball.

Fair minded people would call this Divine Intervention. My partners chose the low road and accused me of cheating. Once I was accused of violating Rule 13-3 (Building a stance) just because I stood on my prayer rug while addressing the ball. Now I know how Craig Stadler felt when he did this to protect his trousers from getting soiled a few years ago. I did it to keep my golf slippers clean.

Then they started on the camel head I use to protect my driver. I don't get it. Tiger Woods can use a tiger, and not a peep from anyone. Just because I'm a Muslim, I have to take this crap. I don't know how Mohammed Ali handled this after he converted to Islam. I can't recall anyone jumping on his shorts just because he was a Muslim. I guess that was before 9/11.

Speaking of camels, can you imagine how tiresome it is to get on and off your dromedary before and after each shot? No wonder you see so few of us playing golf.

The Doctor wishes you all a bombless weekend.