GENERAL QUARTERS !

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Bunker, Somewhere Southwest of Vegas)

GENERAL QUARTERS! GENERAL QUARTERS!

Man your battle stations. Dr. BILLINGSGATE is under attack. I repeat. Dr. BILLINGSGATE is on the run. The fatwah issued by Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah has been imposed. As I type from my underground bunker somewhere southeast of Las Vegas there are 11 Egyptian students who were scheduled to enroll in Montana State University in Bozeman who are unaccounted for.

In late July, after arriving at JFK Airport on a flight from Cairo with their student visas, they disappeared into the soft underbelly of New York City after seeking sanctuary at Fordham University, a once proud Jesuit institution newly festooned with the sobriquet, "The Creighton of the Bronx." Aware of the fatwah issued on yours truly, the Head of the Department of Home Security, Michael Chertoff immediately called me and since then, I have been on the run.

BULLETIN: Sorry for the interruption. But this unrelated late breaking story just came over the wires:

Reuters--Scientists in Iran have cloned a sheep. Although the lamb died minutes after birth, the clonologists refused to confirm rumors that Michael Moore attempted to assist the lamb with mouth to mouth resuscitation. According to reliable witnesses, when the lamb saw Michael Moore pursing his lips prior to his attempted slobber job, the poor lamb went into shock and never recovered. It was reported that Dolly, the original British sheep clone, sent her condolences.

BACK TO BUSINESS: Although Dr. BILLINGSGATE is more at ease now that the Department of Home Security is involved with watching my ass, I am still somewhat wary when I see camel mounted Egyptian Ragheads charging down the road. I never thought that I would feel under siege here in America, but here I am in Paranoia City, Nevada, waiting for the final Apocalyptic solution; Toastada City for the Doctor.

Could it be Sayonara for the Doctor? Keep you posted.