Fatwah My Ass!

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Lebanon)

LATE BREAKING BULLETIN: Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, issues fatwah on Dr. BILLINGSGATE. Calling the Good Doctor a Zionist running dog, the Sheik called for Hizbullah USA to perform a toast-tada on yours truly.

LATER BREAKING BULLETIN: Ever resourceful Dr. BILLINGSGATE counters fatwah by applying for and receiving emergency Ph.D in "Fatwah Reconciliation" from LaFontaine College in the Cayman Islands. Using tactics originally developed by Anthropology Professor, Missy "No-Nose" Nostrilone, to reconcile the long standing differences between indigenous crocodiles and those natives attempting to make purses of their hides, Dr. B issued a counter fatwah on Nasrallah.

Although not likely to appease the bearded Muslim cleric, at the very least it will remind him that fatwahs should not be issued for personal revenge and ego manifestation.

NOTE: Scarcely a day goes by without some Raghead calling for a fatwah on me. For the money, the Fatwah Reconciliation Doctorate that I recently scored was the ultimate of all of the academic achievements that I have received from LaFontaine College, easily surpassing my coveted Ph.D in Taxidermy.