JOSE CAN YOU SEE THE EXIT

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Tijuana)

BULLETIN: Yesterday I saw an interesting sign that was hoisted by one of the millions of illegal immigrants protesting the plight of being trapped in the USA with no way to get out. The sign provided incontrovertible proof that we cannot live without these people. How more eloquently could it have been stated than: "No illegals--No burritos."

Now I don't know about you, but to me, those are fighting words. It could have been worse though. They could have taunted us by saying, "No enchiladas with beans and rice--you Americans are not very nice." I would go to war tomorrow if I saw that on my screen.

Furthermore, they better be very careful if they try to leave our borders without revealing the recipe for chimichongas. So far as I know, the only gringo they have entrusted this Mexican national treasure to is the redoubtable Geraldo Rivera. And he has it under lock and key, waiting to expose it on one of his famous documentaries. I am still pissed that I watched him break into Al Capone's safe without him finding even a dog bone.

With Cinco de Mayo just around the corner, I am planning a huge block party to reward all the faithful gardeners who help my neighbors with their landscaping. (Being a farm boy, I still mow my own yard, thank you). Anyway, I am going to load up a leaf blower with margaritas, turn it up full blast and give them a taste of their own medicine. Let's roll, gringos.

La Cucharacha,

EL DOCTORO