Ask Dr. BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Yo, Doctor!

What's your professional opinion as to why those gators down in Florida only attack white blond women? Could this possibly be another Karl Rove conspiracy?...........Senator Barbara Boxer, California

Dear Senator Boxer,

Give me a break! If this were a Karl Rove conspiracy, the gators would be chillin out on grey haired, loudmouth, liberal turkey-necks like you.

Dear Doctor BILLINGSGATE,

What do you think about building a 2000 mile wall on our Southern border to keep the immigrant workers from crossing?........Don Rumsfield

Dear Rummy,

Immigrant workers? Your ass! My professional opinion is that we should dig a 2000 mile channel, ship 10,000 gators in from Florida and train them to ignore white blond women.

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

What do you think of my idea to deploy 6000 National Guard troops to secure our borders until we train more Border Patrol agents?........Dubya

Dear President Bush,

Personally, I think that it would be more practical to double the number of alligators, accelerate their training by not feeding them blonds for a couple of weeks and tell them to turn to.

NOTE: The Doctor will respond to all legitimate questions unless he feels he is being dissed.
So don't try to be a wise ass. The Doctor doesn't suffer fools well.