Greenpeace pickets Mt. Merapi

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Java, Indonesia)

BULLETIN: Approximately 8000 Greenpeace picketers have surrounded the summit of Mt. Merapi, cursing and spitting into the fiery dome of this volcano which is located in central Java and which has been erupting for 10,000 years. Merapi is one of the most active volcanos in Indonesia and has produced more pyroclastic flow than any other volcano in the world.

Mount Merapi also has the dubious distinction of producing more nuee ardentes than any other volcano on earth. For those of you who have not yet received your NOTARY SOJAC TOP SECRET decipher kit which was advertised in the last posting, I will temporally lift the ALPHA CODE from this article with the understanding that if any reader violates the security code and warns the Greenpeace picketers, he will be banned from future JOURNAL postings.

For the uninformed, "nuee ardentes" results from the collapse of the lava dome at the summit of a volcano, and as a result, allows for the pyroclastic flow (lava) to envelop all who might be crazy enough to picket the summit. That should provide the reader with sufficient reason to not notify Greenpeace.

Environmentalists almost universally blame the automobile for the harmful atmospheric greenhouse conditions that cause global warming or global cooling, whichever is in vogue at the time. However, until now, no one has laid the blame on recalcitrant volcanoes who spew ash plumes and whatnot into the atmosphere with complete impunity. When Mount St. Helens erupted you heard not a peep about the ashes that blackened the earth's sky for months.

"Enough is enough," said Greenpeace spokesperson, Ms. Lily Oakthighs. "We have issued warnings to these recidivistic volcanos. Our new mantra is: If they continue to erupt, we will blow them up."

Good luck, Ms. Oakthighs.