Slick Willie and His Woodpecker Wife

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

STOP THE PRESSES! At the Coretta Scott King funeral today, a memorial to the wife of the late Reverend Martin Luther King, there were so many white political hacks jumping on the black bandwagon that there wasn't any room left for those of color to chauffeur these transient dignitaries to the promised land.

Teddy was there, ushered in by the ghost of Mary Jo Kopeckny. She came along with him because he didn't have the guts to go to her funeral. Cocktails always came first in his life. Jimmy "Peanut Brain" Carter was there with a pocket full of goobers to munch between lamentations. The phony son-of-a-bitch is getting so long in the tooth that his dentist charges him double.

Then there was Slick Willie. He had the cadence down. And he had them rockin with his eyes rolling and his teeth biting into his lower lip; raucous deep South rhetoric that makes em believe he's one of them. And on his left side, as is her style between his adulterous affairs, Hillary nodding to Willie's beat like a demented woodpecker; her pursed lips pink as a rooster's dink, her hair a natural horse piss brown. And her eyes, they were a glistening as if she had just seen Monica Lewinsky skewered and roasting on a spit.

President Bush didn't have a chance against these guys. He got bashed by everyone, including the Reverend who was running the show. I was surprised they allowed Dubya in the Church. He looked as comfortable as a rat looking down the business end of a python. Nice gathering if you're a liberal.

Dr. BILLINGSGATE is not a huge fan of funeral happenings since they always have an unhappy ending. You don't have to have eleven Doctorates to figure that anytime you go six feet under, your options decrease exponentially.

Keep your arses on the green side of the turf......The DOCTOR