BILLINGSGATE MAN OF THE YEAR

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

YEAR END BULLETIN: The Board of Directors of the BILLINGSGATE Foundation has named its eponymous journal meister, Man of the Year, for the third consecutive year. Yes, an unprecedented THREEPEAT. Coincidently, the last time anyone won this symbolic award even two times in a row was back in 1939, the year Dr. BILLINGSGATE was born.

You may have heard of the gentleman who set the previous standard; none other than the infamous Adolf Hitler. The runner-up to the Dur Fuhrer in both 1938 and 1939 was Neville Chamberlain, the Dur Idiot who thought he could persuade Hitler to become a more kinder and gentler Fuhrer. Nice try, Neville. Live in infamy, you despicable liberal, scissors butt, sheep fornicating douche bag.

Although most of the JOURNAL'S readers are well aware of the contributions that the Good Doctor made to society in the past year, there may be naysayers out there in the Blue States who choose to cast aspersions on my efforts. Some may in fact use their hate for my causes to disparage my nobel efforts to win the coveted Lewinsky/Kaczynski International Limerick Contest. Shame on your sandbag asses, you scurrilous scumbags.

Others may have forgotten my one of a kind expos'e on notorious North Korea Premier, Kim Jung IL, the tyrant who besides starving millions of his people, claims to have eclipsed the record for the fewest strokes while playing golf, shooting an unbelievable 34 on a par 72 course. This on his first round ever! Unbelievable. Don't bet on it.

Who, pray tell me, will ever forget the job I did on that pretender to the throne, the chicken lipped slack-jawed jackal from Massachusetts, John Kerry? Not I.

What about the JOURNAL winning the Bulshitzer Prize this year? Who cares, you may ask. Those of you whose hearts beat true care.

Who else was there to report on the Giant Tortoises going berzerk in the Galapagos? Most of you couldn't even pronounce Galapagos, much less understand the significance of berzerk Tortoise behavior as expressed in Billingsgatian terms. Before I introduced you to information cherished by effete Darwinian devotees, you were merely vitally concerned non-entities, living in a world of your own.

Who of you would not trade your insignificant life to walk in the shoes of Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler for just one day?

The Doctor is trying to think, but nothing happens.

Another year, but never another Doctor BILLINGSGATE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !