BILLINGSGATE faces Muslim fatwa

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Damascus)

BULLETIN: Dr. BILLINGSGATE faced the full fury of the Muslim world yesterday as his long festering feud with these international camel fornicators finally erupted into a full fledged fatwa against the beloved intellectual renegade known to loyal followers as "The DOCTOR."

There were street demonstrations and BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL burnings in the Middle East. Libya joined Saudi Arabia in calling for a total ban of the JOURNAL from GOOGLE and other facilitators of "Western Filth." The Muslim Advocates Against BILLINGSGATE (MAAB) went so far as to declaring The DOCTOR off limits to card carrying members of the International Union of Professional Virgins. BILLINGSGATE escalated by withdrawing his support for their right to have sexual congress with members of the International Union of Dromedary Desert Walkers.

That action, to pardon the pun, was evidently the straw that broke the camel's back. The outcry that followed the publication of The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie in 1988 was nothing compared to the onslaught of condemnation and hair pulling by those who enjoy this Middle Eastern sexual ritual. For the more gifted of my readers, it should be quite evident that the slang word, "humping" bases its etymology on this perverse practice. Why they chose to blame the messenger for revealing this interesting penchant is beyond me.

The issue continues to boil, with Imams denouncing BILLINGSGATE from their pulpits. AL Gore-Zeera, while usually a neutral member of the Islamic media, inflamed pent-up Muslim anger at the good Doctor by demanding a retraction of the counter fatwa issued by BILLINGSGATE. In the USA, the Muslim Council of Detroit, whose leaders frequently can be found trolling the Dromedary section of the local zoo, deplored the vilification of this harmless pastime.

LATE BREAKING BULLETIN: A spokesperson for Dr. BILLINGSGATE, while insisting that the good Doctor will not be intimidated, stated that he has been authorized to remove the counter fatwa if MAAB allows BILLINGSGATE immediate access to members of the International Union of Professional Virgins.

And so another international crisis has been nipped in the bud. As Rodney King said, "Can't we all just get along"?