Ask Dr. BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

I can't believe that you have forgotten your roots. What ever happened to the kindly, good Doctor who so gently pointed out the folie a deux of such notables as John Kerry and Michael Moore? What possibly could have happened in your life to make you sacrifice your integrity and let the liberals gain the upper hand?.......Barbara "Funny Girl" Streisand

Dear Babs,

Nice try, O Funny One. For a while I thought you were serious....Duh!

Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner. However, I was covering the big wedding that took place at Windsor Guildhall. You know, the same joint that Prince Charles and Camille Parker Bowles tied the knot. I think it's great that Elton John can now legally cornhole his squeeze, Mr. David Furnish. I guess the only difference between their previous relationship and their new legal one is that if they get divorced, they may be forced to choose who gets custody of the bowel movements. But that's Hollywood, isn't it?

But as you mentioned in your song, "Lovers are very special people. They're the luckiest people in in the world." Barbara, I get a feeling deep in my soul that says that Elton and David who were half now are whole. No more hunger and thirst for those two sodomites. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Footnote: Although Elton's first marriage to German engineer, Renate Blauel ended in divorce after four fabulous years of bliss, the Euro cognoscentees that handicap such affairs, give this relationship a real chance because Elton and David are the luckiest people in the world because they "need people."

Rock on, BILLINGSGATE devotees. A day without the Doctor is like a day without sunshine.