Ozzie and Harriet

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Washington)

BULLETIN: "Trust me." Never has there been a relationship so pure and perfect as the one between Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. If you are old enough to remember their TV family comedy show back in the 50's and 60's, you will surely agree. As sincere and perfect as it was, it doesn't come close to the relationship between Ozzie (Dubya) Bush and his Supreme Court nominee, Harriet Miers. It seems that Dubya trusts her so much that he can look into the camera and assure neo-cons like myself that Harriet will never change and will remain faithful to the cause for the next 20 years.

Now I was born at night, but not last night. The only time that type of trust can be put into the lock box is when it is between a man and his dog. "Read my lips." The only time that a man can guarantee that degree of trust is when he has his right hand on a Bible and his left hand on his Mutt's head.

Now I am not saying that Harriet Miers is a stealth liberal, just waiting to be sworn in before she jumps into the sack with old tomahawk face, Ruth Bader Ginsberg. But if that happens and the wedding bells ring, it certainly shouldn't surprise anyone. Infact, if the old Texas spinster doesn't fall in love with that pinch-mouthed ACLU loving bitch, Dr. BILLINGSGATE will burn the Doctorate in Psychology Degree he received from LaFontaine University while vacationing in the Cayman's back in 1976. That, my dear friends, is the closest thing to a mortal lock that you will ever get.

If you believe that I am being a little harsh in my postulations, let me ask you a direct question. Who cares what you think? In other words, kiss my royal behind and read the New York Times if you want real biased analysis.

For now and forever, Dr. BILLINGSGATE remains the only source of information for those too addle-minded to give a rat's ass.