Schwarzenegger Chooses Running Mate

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Sacramento)

BULLETIN: Caliafornia Governator Arnold Swarzenegger electrified conservatives in the State by announcing that he plans to run for re-election next year. Surprising everyone with his ability to speak without using steroids to hide his Neo-Nazi accent, the former Mr. Universe named yours truly as his running mate. Although conventional wisdom dictated that the position of Lieutenant Governator be filled by a gender neutral, or at least a transgender, non-documented Hispanic with otherwise impeccable credentials, Arnold crossed over political protocol by naming Dr. BILLINGSGATE for this important post.

BULLETIN: Dr. BILLINGSGATE refuses to run, declaring that the skeletons in his closet were left there for a purpose.

BULLETIN: The ABLE-DANGER UNIT story that will not go away. This unit that was secretly formed by the Pentagon to track and observe the wherabouts of the Islamic Terrorists during the 90's did the job so well that both the former Clinton Administration, the Bushies, and now the 9/11 Commission and the Pentagon, are all trying to cover up the story and discredit the whistle blowers who disregarded orders and their future careers in the military to get this important story out. Evidently they had broken the code and discovered well before 9/11 that 4 or 5 of the Islamic (dissidents) were plotting to hijack commercial planes and run them into our landmark buildings.

Now, it appears, the Pentagon is flip-flopping on it's original story which disclaimed the story as a hoax and is now saying that the documents that 5 different sources claimed would verify the existence of the disclosure were destroyed because they were "TOP SECRET." Why, I ask, is everyone treating this story like a hot potato? The easy answer is that it cuts across everyone's denial that they had knowledge of these ragheads and their plot to bomb America.

BULLETIN: He can run but he can't hide. Dr. BILLINGSGATE will follow this story until the truth comes out. Slick Willy and his slippery side-kicks are up to their arses in this one, and who knows if that was what Sandy Berger was trying to hide when he stuffed his socks in the National Archive Building?