Limericks and more

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: I have received many limericks in the past week from all over the world, and regretfully, most of them were terrible and far below the publishing standards of the JOURNAL. I realize that most of you did not enjoy the benefits of graduating from a university that actually had academic standards, so I can't say I was surprised by your lack of literacy. I will publish two of the entries so that you might realize how feeble your own attempts were:

Hillary, Jessica and Kaczynski
All knew the powers of Levinsky
How she pouted and bartered
Till the cigar warmed her ardor
Easing the way for Willy to Slipinski.

Milada Hiladik, A farm girl from Norfolk, Nebraska

Although not gay, straight or narrow
Willy was crooked to the marrow
So how was Ms. Levinsky to know
That for Kaczynski's letters to blow
Someone had to say, "Sayonara".

Vice Admiral, Toyota Yoho, Sasebo, Japan

BULLETIN: Due to numerous haranguing phone calls from vanquished homopterons, I was unable to find time to comment on world issues such as the removal of settlers from the Gaza strip or the rocket attacks on our ships in the Middle East.....Next week, for sure.