McVibrator Happy Meal

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Oak Brook, Illinois)

BULLETIN: In response to criticism that senior citizens are unhappy because they are not allowed to buy the Happy Meals that include toys for children, the McDonald's Corporate Headquarter's in Oak Brook issued a statement saying that in deference to a generation of fast food addicts who grew up stuffing Big Macs and Fries down their pie holes, they would now have Adult Happy Meals on their menu. To introduce this offer, for the next six months or until 6 billion of these meals are sold, each order will include a toy size vibrator with a Hillary Clinton bobblehead attachment. Proof that you are 60 years or older will be necessary for the purchase of this Happy Meal. A spokesperson for the fastfood giant said that all precautions will be taken to prevent this toy from falling into the hands of unscrupulous adolescents who might prefer the toy to their customary oral sex.

COMMENT: Having capitalistic instincts, it is unprecedented that I would delve into corporate American affairs for subject matter. The highly respected and iconoclastic BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL has for years limited its resources and venom for liberals of all stripes. Herpetologically speaking, much of my life has been dedicated to discovering why snakes like Democratic Senators Patrick (Permasmile) Leahy and Joe (Big Smile, No Conscience) Biden always smile before they strike.

Therefore, and appropriately, it is with deep regret that I request all faithful JOURNAL readers join me in a tertiary boycott of all McDonalds restaurants until the Hillary Clinton Bobblehead Vibrator is removed from their menu, even if delivered in a discreet brown bag. Join with the majority of Americans who live in the red heartlands of our great and moral country. Vote with your feet. When you see a Golden Arch, walk the other way.