A Letter from Rex the Wonder Dog

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

You can't imagine how proud I was when I read your "Ozzie and Harriet" posting last Friday. I knew the Nelson family and considered Ozzie one of the finest actors of the 1950's. He was my idol. When I left the U.S. Army's K-9 Corps for Hollywood back in 1952, it was because of his inspiration. To have dogs mentioned in the same sentence with this film immortal leaves me panting. And to have you beatify dogs as being even more trustworthy than Harriet Miers makes my tail wag. When you said, "Read my lips.".... "The only time that a man can guarantee that degree of trust is when he has his right hand on a Bible and his left hand on his Mutt's head," I just wanted to lick my balls......Rex the Wonder Dog

FOOTNOTE: For those of you too young to remember, Rex first appeared in The Adventures of Rex the Wonder Dog in January 1952. Rex is a white German shepherd and served our county valiantly in World War II. A veteran of the Army's K-9 Corps, after the war he was taken back home to live with the Dennis family. Rex used his intelligence to help prove one of the Dennis boys, Phillip, was not guilty of murder.

For many years after that, Rex and Phillip's brother, Danny, had numerous adventures. During that time, Rex did everything from riding a horse to swinging from a vine by holding it in his teeth.

Eventually, Rex found himself getting long in the tooth and would have retired from showbiz altogether. Fortunately for his fans, he went to Florida and met up with Bobo the Detective Chimp. In one of their adventures, the amazing mammals stumbled upon the legendary Fountain of Youth and drank of it. In an instant, the two of them were returned to their prime of life and have continued their individual pursuits. Rex lately became associated with a government agency known as The Bureau of Amplified Animals.

Now you know why the Doctor is "THE DOCTOR" and all others are mere Philistines.