Ask Dr. BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

"Do you think that Karl Rove should lose his security clearance for revealing the name of a covert C.I.A. operative as Senator Schumer is demanding?"..........Sandy Berger

Dear Sandy,

First, Sandy, are you okay? The last time I saw you, it appeared that you had a water retention problem. Your ankles looked twice the normal size. Perhaps a diuretic would be helpful. As to your question, I believe that New York Senator Upchuck Schumer has the nation's best interests in mind; the nation of Islam.

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

You said that I was wearing a pork pie hat. You wouldn't know a pork pie hat from a sombrero, you ridiculous bald headed poltroon. For your information, when I addressed my stiff lipped nation of royal worshippers, I was wearing a standard pink pill-box hat....Her Royal Highness, the Queen of England

Dear Her Royal Highness,

Sorry. I meant to say that your face looked like a pork pie with pill-box hat on top of it. My royal apology.

Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE,

"What do you mean when you say that men are so feminized that even broads are wearing dresses because they are ashamed to look like men. You will never see me wearing a dress"...........Hillary Rodham Clinton

Dearest Hillary,

That's the best point you have made since you last put your head in a dunce's hat. Other than when Monica is in the household, who does wear the pants in your family? Anyway, your ankles are thicker than Sandy Bergers on his way out of the National Archives. You have a God given reason for not wearing a dress.

The Doctor has probed the universe for these answers. Without inpiration from hovering aliens, the Doctor would be out of business.