Tales from Washington

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Washington)

BULLETIN: One of my more progressive liberal contacts suggested that Karl Rove was pulling strings on his puppet, Reverend Billy Graham. When the Rev embraced the Clintons during his Big Apple Save My Soul Jamboree this weekend, my friend thought that there was something sinister when the God fearing Graham offered that Hillary should run the country. My contact thought that Rove was trying to make the unreligious left wing think that Hillary had embraced Christianity, which would cost her votes. What say you?

BULLETIN: I put my old pal, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, to work again. For my old "Spy vs Spy" conspiracy aficionados, I have some late breaking rumors to pass around. In keeping with Hillary, rumors of her having lesbian affairs now floating around the Beltway have her hooking up with Karl Rove in drag. To me, this is a sure indication of how paranoid those bastards are. Does any clear thinking American believe that Karl would sink to that level? However absurd this appears, Dirty Trick stands behind the story.

BULLETIN: I don't believe we who belong to the vast right wing conspiracy should feel too happy with George Bush I playing golf and boating with his new pal, Slick Willy. One must wonder what Grandma Barbara thinks with that deviate running around the house having phone sex and smoking cigars with their young cocker spaniel, Monica II.

With that, the Good Doctor is thinking about pulling in his correspondents from the trenches for a little R&R.