Rusty Pipes

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

MEDICAL BULLETIN: Since most of my readers are geriatric wannabees, this information could possibly save the life of your significant other. In the January edition of the New England Medical Journal, Urologist, Dr. Feest-Juarize Ondispecker suggests that all men over the age of 60 who have had no sexual activity for six months or more advise potential partners to update their tetanus shot before engaging in sex. Dr. Ondispecker found that because of rusty residue in the male plumbing, the chance of the partner contracting lockjaw was a risk that was too dangerous to ignore.

It is suspected that most of you will continue to engage in your old libidinous but safe habit of dreaming and scheming in lieu of actualizing, so the chances of this affecting the health of your significant other is at best remote. Even so, Dr. Ondispecker says that it is better to be safe than sorry and suggests that all males 60 years or older should clean out their pipes periodically or risk their unsuspecting partner contacting lockjaw.

BULLETIN: If this article doesn't put BILLINGSGATE in the running for the Nobel Prize for Medicine there is no justice. How tidy it would be to receive the Bulshitzer and Nobel Prize in the same year. Without precedent, yes. Impossible, no.