A more loving BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: On the penultimate day of the year, BILLINGSGATE wishes to address the angst of some readers who fear that I may go soft on liberals in 2005. Fear not, fellow neo-cons. I was merely trying to inveigle the pinkos into a false sense of security by saying that I would be more loving and spiritual. By that I meant that I would pray for their impoverished souls while wishing them eternal damnation.

As an example of BILLINGSGATE'S softer approach for the new year, instead of hammering liberals with the possibility of mandatory sterilization, BILLINGSGATE is now willing to give them a Hobson's choice. If their desire to procreate reaches a critical point, why not furnish them with life-like rubber dolls that provide anatomically correct apertures for sexual congress? The manufacture of these can easily be outsourced to China and purchased for a pittance as opposed to providing welfare for the unwanted and unneeded liberal offspring of these miscreants.

BULLETIN: Like many others in America who belong to a despised religious cult called Christianity, BILLINGSGATE celebrated Christmas in accordance with traditional values; crusading against infidels of all stripes and colors, wishing that all Islamic terrorists be defiled by the belch of a dyspeptic camel before being strapped to a NO DONG missile and sent to Hell to be mocked by 72 toothless prostitutes. And that goes double for the New York Times and CBS.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!