Christmas Island outed from World Atlas

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Christmas Island was discovered by the English on December 25, 1643, and thus the name. Now, with the usual pettifoggers that show up to strip Christmas of its real meaning, there has been a movement to eliminate Christmas Island from all maps and reference books unless the name is changed to a more secular one such as Holiday Island or December Night Island.

Lest anyone think this far fetched, BILLINGSGATE would like to point out that Christmas is as American as say, apple pie. Although more than 80% of Americans are Christian and even more Americans than that celebrate Christmas in some way, the fact that it is an official federal holiday must irritate the vocal minority who disdain those who wish to celebrate in other than a commercial way. Anything other than the exchange of gifts to celebrate a December day is considered verboten by those who abhor Christianity.

God forbid that some people might feel uncomfortable should they see a Christmas tree on public property or hear a carol that alludes to the birth of Jesus. In a country that tolerates all religions it seems incomprehensible that those who thrive in this tolerance should turn against the very majority that allowed them to join us in this great country to practice their own religion without predudice.

Perhaps the answer is to allow only card carrying Christians to celebrate this as a federal holiday. Anyone buying gifts or humming a Christmas carol who doesn't have a Christian I.D. card should be made subject to a fine or have to listen to Snoop Doggy Dog sing "Jingle Bells" for 24 hours without respite.

Merry censored Christmas from BILLINGSGATE