Mullahs blame Tsunami on infidels

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: Whew! Can't tell you how glad I was to get out of San Francisco in one piece. If there is any place in the universe that deserves a little tsunami chin music, it's the City. You talk about your infidels! San Francisco is Sodom and Gomorrah on steroids. This ain't Kansas anymore, Toto. This is Babylon on the Bay.

So why should the Mullahs blame card carrying infidels for the Indian Ocean tsunami that devasted these predominately Muslim areas. If Allah had any sense of justice, He would have thrown a 400 mph wet spitter down the middle of the bath houses and porn pavillions that attract sinners of all faiths to this sexopolis. If nothing else, He could have deep-sixed Barry Bonds before he hits any more tainted tators into the bay. For baseball purists who fear Bonds will overtake Hank Aaron's home run record with the assistance of steroids, a well directed tsunami would have obviated any need for an asterisk in the record book.

And what about those leatherette Dykes on Bikes who show off their wares in their annual parade? Do you honestly believe a just Allah would allow them to do wheelies while good people perish in Thailand and Sumatra? In a city whose citizens have thumbed their nose at everything that most of us hold sacred, if Allah were vengeful, they're toast.

So to you all Mullahs throughout the world, BILLINGSGATE respectfully requests that you leave our beloved infidels out of this tsunami blame game. From atop the minarets of mosques from which the muezzin summon the faithful to prayer, let Muslims watch over Muslims. And from atop my humble offices, let BILLINGSGATE watch over the infidels.

BULLETIN: Although BILLINGSGATE writes for a predominately American readership, at times the patois is quite difficult for those of foreign lands to discern. For those unfortunates a glossary will be provided.

GLOSSARY:
1. Chin music: a baseball thrown by the pitcher at the chin of the batter to get his attention.
2. Kansas: a red state in middle America.
3. Wet spitter: an illegal baseball pitch in which the pitcher has applied spit to the ball for the nefarious purpose of effecting the rotation of ball.
4. Tator: short for "potato" as in "tator tots". Slang term used to describe a homerun.
5. Dykes on bikes: Lesbians who ride Harleys while wearing cutaway leather chaps that expose private parts.