Letters to BILLINGSGATE

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline San Diego)

BULLETIN: As you might imagine there has been a virtual tsunami of letters to respond to. The best of the best:

"Your ignorance concerning the age of consent for monkeys shows that you are just another anthropopatheist"....The Monkeys

Response: Touche

"Are you sure you that San Francisco is Sodom and Gomorrah on steroids? It doesn't go well with the song".....Tony Bennett

Response: Sorry, Tony. Would a Viagra and nitro popper cocktail fit into the lyrics?

"Where can I buy one of those leather cupless thong tuxedos that Jake the Primate wore to his wedding"?....Janet Jackson

Response: Two questions: Is this for your boobs or your brother's balls? And does Michael monkey around with underage primates?

"You portray us as just another bunch of uncaring, insensitive butches doing wheelies on Harleys, wearing leather crotchless chaps. Do you think that Snoop Doggy Dogg would do a segment on us like, Dykes gone Wild in the City"?.....Miketa, President of Dykes on Bikes, San Francisco Chapter

Response: Sounds like it would be just up his alley. Do you need an agent?

"BILLINGSGATE, you have gone over the edge, portraying yourself as some kind of deity who watches over the doings of infidels from above. That is my job"......Lucifer

Response: Hey, Luke. No offense. Just a little hyperbole, homey. You got the job. (Whew, I hope I didn't piss him off. Who needs those liberal bastards anyway)