Curriculum Vitae Questioned

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Grand Cayman Island)

BULLETIN: Why BILLINGSGATE should have to defend his Curriculum Vitae from scurrilous attacks that quite fortuitously come from those with no academic credentials of their own is a question in itself. However, BILLINGSGATE has agreed to answer these critics once and forever in order to shut down any future attempts to discredit his award winning journalism.

First of all, let's set this straight. LaFontaine College is fully accredited by the Cayman Island Consortium of Higher Learning. This is not a diploma mill. It has a fully credentialed faculty that operates out of the garage of Chancelor E.Z. LaFontaine's estate. Because the campus is so compact, students can easily go from class to class, gathering diplomas as they chat. The requirement that students are physically required to attend graduation ceremonies separates this institution from the diploma mills that give colleges a bad name.

Because of the ease in which money can be tranferred from one account to another without oversight, banks flourish on these beautiful Caribbean islands. But what drew BILLINGSGATE to the Cayman's was the chance to get a quality education without being subjected to intrusive and potentially humiliating entrance exams, plus the bonus of receiving a medley of Doctorate degrees without having to waste precious time going to insipidly taught classes after early morning golf.

Hopefully this conclusive information will allow readers of the JOURNAL to relieve themselves of the nagging doubt that BILLINGSGATE is a deranged charlatan. Fear not, my faithful readers. I'm the real head cheese.