Should mandatory sterilization be optional?

BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL (Dateline Galapagos Islands)

BULLETIN: Confused Board members debate mandatory sterilization issue. With BILLINGSGATE INSTITUTE Chairman Dr. Cleotus "Clete" Earlbeck leading fellow members down the tortuous path of politically correct dialogue, the question of requiring all liberals to turn themselves into GOP staffed clinics for mandatory sterilization has polarized members of this august group.

With some members the issue seems as simple as rounding them up and riding them out as geldings. Other members question the ethics of this measure and advise caution; not wanting to offend those who believe both liberals and neo-cons have the right to procreate. Obfuscating both lines of thought is the contemptuous middle of the road position which would allow liberals the option of denouncing the Democratic Party in return for keeping their family jewels.

With passions high Dr. Earlbeck is hesitant to suggest that there is any possibility of a compromise in the foreseeable future. While yearning for an amicable solution, history tells him that appeasement may buy time, but as Winston Churchill said, "it also buys time bombs."

BILLINGSGATE is enjoying life among the Giant Tortoises who habitate the Galapagos. With tipping these reptiles onto their backs illegal, there is very little entertainment available other than watching the ubiquitous bats dive bombing the white rocks of the islands, splattering them with the same green, putrescent guano that is scraped up and sold to fund our noble cause.